Tag Archives: Mom

More Evil Laughs

Well.. I got so obsessed with my own poor jokes that I dug them out from old tweets and FB status messages.. so here’s more…

SS: Why didn’t you come to the Halloween party?
Me: I was there.
SS: Oh really, what costume?
Me: The Invisible Man

Me (after the MAITRI Diwali night): The name MAITRI (NCSU Indian Grad Student Assoc.) makes sense. By charging $3 for the party, they are making me part with MY THREE dollars.

(Not exactly what transpired, but this version is better)
My mom: Kiran bought a car. That’s huge!!!
Me: You mean, like a Limo?

Obama snatched the Nobel Prize from me.. Now I’m gonna try for the No-Whistle prize.

Q: Which is the favorite day of the year for environmentalists?
A: St.Patricks Day. Because it is totally green.

FB status: I saw her. I felt that the force was strong with that one. It indeed was! Now I have five fingers engraved on my cheek! God! I should stop watching Star Wars!

Me: I see two hot chicks in front of KFC, and the first thought that comes to my mind is “Oh boy! They are in a dangerous neighborhood. They may get caught and fried!”

Me: What if a house stands right through a timezone border in US? Will half of the house be 1 hour ahead of the other half?

FB Status: Facebook suggested “Wed at 12:24 pm”. I thought, “Okay. Do I at least get to know who I’m gonna wed?” Then I realized it meant Wednesday!

Me: I was wondering…. Saas sans saans is just a dead mother-in-law.

Mysteries of the mundane

  • Why do I feel lonely in a crowd?
  • Why does every doctor have a handwriting which looks like a 1-year old trying to get nasty with a pen and paper?
  • How is the pharmacist able to read the prescription of any doctor, while others can’t read even one?
  • Why do I get angry for little nothings?
  • Why do I choose to be a pacifist for big somethings?
  • Why do I torture myself mentally for a fault which is not mine?
  • Why is it that I want to talk to my mother when I wallow in self-pity?
  • Why is my mother the only person I know who can bring me back out of the vortex?
  • Is it a gift or a curse to be unable to hate anybody?
  • Why is the world so ruthless?
  • Why do I want to live in a wonderland, and not come to terms with the harsh realities?
  • Why do I have the feeling that I’m not doing what I am supposed to do?
  • Why, then, is this feeling so fickle?
  • How do I find enough topics to talk for 45 minutes every other day to my mom?
  • Is there a meaning in another dimension to my idiosyncrasies?
  • Who am I?

Antics of the First

He becomes a myth, a spook story that criminals tell their kids at night: “Rat on your pop, and Keyser Soze will get you.” But no one ever really believes.

-Verbal Kint
The Usual Suspects

I haven’t blogged here for one month now. I guess I’ve become less funny and more serious. (C’mon! That’s not like me!) I’ve been partial to my technical blog and devoting more time for that. Anyway, sparing the apologies, (yeah! Be thankful that I’m back!! Without even giving false punchline-promises like the Austrian-accented “I’ll be back!”) this one is a hilarious memory which was cued by another funny talk when I visited home last week.

For those who don’t know, “the first” is me.

Lets start with some prologues.

Prologue 1: Stupid is as stupid does
My mom says that I’m a bit stupid. I think I’m not, but my mom proves time and again that I am.

Prologue 2: The Legend
“Chaakku Mappilla” is an imaginary character often used in Kerala to scare misbehaving kids. It is similar to the boogeyman. As a way of controlling their children, parents will tell them about “Chaakku Mappilla” who steals misbehaving children. This guy supposedly carries a sack on his back. He catches all misbehaving children, puts them in the sack and sells them. He may be said to target a specific “transgression” or just general misbehavior. The funny thing is that it is believed in by children.

The big laugh
circa 1990
(To make things more sensible, I was oblivious to whatever I have written in blue italics below. Why? Because I was “thinking”)
That day, my brother was wreaking a lot of havoc in home. I was in the verandah, thinking as usual.
I heard faint noises coming from inside. It was my brother screaming and shouting to show his protest in whatever it was.
After some time, the noise grew louder. When I turned around, he was outside, behind me. My mother too had followed him to the verandah.
She was holding a plate with food, perhaps. The little chap was probably refusing to have food. (This was so unusual of him, mind you!)

My mother said, “Eat this like a good boy.”
My brother said, “No. I’m not a good boy.”
My mother said, “Chaakku Mappilla will come and catch children who starve.”
My brother was smart. He replied, “Chaakku Mappilla indeed. There is no such person.”

Then mom became desperate, turned to me and asked, “Tell us…You have seen Chaakku Mappilla, right?”
I probably didn’t see her winking, because I replied in favor of my brother, “No”.

I had never heard the name “Chaakku Mappilla” before. My mom, or my grandma never scared me with that name. (Maybe I never misbehaved 😀 ) So I thought it was the name used to address whoever carries a sack. I didn’t even doubt that she was acting.

Then a man appeared at the end of the road. Coincidentally, he was carrying a sack on his shoulders. I knew that man. He was the one who used to play “Thavil” (A type of percussion instrument) in the nearby temple. It was undoubtedly his Thavil inside the sack.

My mom jumped at the opportunity and told my brother, “See. There he is…Chaakku Mappilla. Now eat this or he will take you away.”
My brother was not ready to give in that easily. He boldly said, “He is not Chaakku Mappilla”, although he didn’t sound as bold as before.
He heaved a sigh of relief when the guy passed our house without even looking at us.

My mom’s next step in the drama was to ask me to go and call Chaakku Mappilla, so that he would come and take my brother away.
“Go and tell him that I have something for sale here”, my mom said.
I immediately ran outside towards him.
Panting, I said,

“Mr. Chaakku Mappilla… My mom wants to sell something to you.”

He looked at me for a few seconds with a perplexed face. Time froze for everyone except me. (Because I still hadn’t realized that what I had done was stupid.)
He frowned and continued walking. I looked back at my mom. She beckoned me to come back.
Everyone was laughing. I didn’t understand why. Call it the naivety of a 7 year old who doesn’t know the legend of “Chaakku Mappilla”

I became the laughing stock of the whole family for the next one week….and years to come! Poor me!

Weird things about Weirdness

This is a long pending tag (I almost wrote “pending CR”…CR for change request. Mind still at work place 🙁 ) from Ajith. 6 weird things about me. As several people have pointed out, I am a self proclaimed weirdo and chatterbox. So there should not be any trouble in writing 6 weird things about me. But actually, there is trouble. I see it now… Anyway here goes.

Weirdness #1
This is right at the top of my mom’s list of weird thing I’ve done in my life.

My mom was cleaning my room one day (not at all a mammoth effort as you may think. You’ll know why in this post itself) when she saw a list of endless names. At first she thought she had misplaced a marksheet of the students in her class. But actually that was a statistical study by yours truly. I was trying to study how many different people I can distinctly remember, i.e. relate the names to faces. So I had listed down the names of all people, friends, family, film actresses and so on. Anyway, this project was shortlived as I found out that the number people I knew was way too much that it crossed the limits of my hands endurance.

Weirdness #2
I am not afraid of snakes at all, unlike most people. I keep a distance, but I’m not afraid. I once was taking a shortcut which went behind my hostel block. I accidentally stepped on a snake. My friend who was with me was freaked out all day. I shoved it off as a trifle.
I don’t know why I’m not afraid of snakes when I’m afraid of lesser animals like frogs, mice, cockroaches etc.

Weirdness #3
I have a serious doubt that I have small amounts of short term memory loss. I sometimes forget things which I remembered about 30 seconds ago. Then I will have to come to my starting place (where I originally thought of that) and pull my hair for a minute to remember what I had thought of. This is a tested protocol. I almost never remember it if I don’t come to the starting place.

Weirdness #4
My mom says I’m far too outspoken.
My brother says I talk continously about unrelated things. (Called “Incoherent speech”)
My grandma says that my spirituality exceeds my age.
My friends say that I am a studious moron.

My dad says…well…nothing. He just enjoys all the fun from a safe distance.

Weirdness #5
I had problem of sleepwalking when I was a child. Later it reduced to talking while in sleep. Now it is almost gone. Some of the weirdest monologues which I uttered while I was asleep were:

  • Respected teachers, elders and my dear friends.
  • This is the plane and the force is applied perpendicular to it.
  • You really cannot understand my friend, but I know he is a jerk.

My mom has told me that I never spoke in language other than English while I was asleep.

Weirdness #6
I am kind of obsessed with cleanliness of some things. You can call it Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I don’t like my room in any condition other than spick-and-span. I don’t buy used books from roadside, because they look dirty. I ask my friends to wash their hands before touching my books, because they may make it dirty. I don’t like utensils thrown around in the kitchen sink and will wash them myself sometimes. I don’t allow my friends to put any non-vegetarian (which I consider unclean) item in my utensils even if they offer to clean it themselves later. They have to use paper plates. I even fool around when they bring some food item, because I suspect if they will take my plates for their food and the food will be non-vegetarian.

Open tag.. Anybody can take it (I’m lazy to propose names). Just remember that you have to comment in my blog after you wrote about your weirdness. 😉