American Goof ups

The moment I landed in US, the song “Swapnathilo njangal swargathilo” came to my mind.

For non-mallus, this is a song from the third movie in a comedy trilogy where the heroes land in US for investigating a case. That they solved their cases only by goof ups and some luck, is another story. The song translates to “Are we in a dream? Or are we in heaven?”

Little did I know that I would end up with a truckload of trouble like the protagonists.

On day 1, I went with my cousin to a Restaurant. After lunch, I asked the waiter, “I want the bill back after you swipe my card.”
He just stared at me like I was talking Greek.
My cousin then corrected, “He’s talking about the check.”
“Oh..Alright.”, said the waiter.

“What the hell is a check?”, I asked my cousin after the waiter was gone.
“It is called check in restaurants here. Bill in US means…”
“Currency Notes. Oh man!!”, I cried.

As we were going out of the hotel, a group of people were also exiting ahead of us. The last person of that group held the door open for me. But I was so absentminded that I didn’t notice that and simply went out as if there was no door there at all.

He looked at me in a disgusted manner.

My cousin corrected me again. I should hold the door as I exit. That is the way to return the courtesy here.

This one too was related with open doors. Some of you already know that I have trouble with doors.
This time I failed to keep the door open as I was going through. And there was a lady right behind me.
As soon as she came out, she shouted at me, “Heyyy! You slammed the door right on my nauuuuse!!!” (Spelling of nose changed deliberately to show how she pronounced that!)
I thought, “WTF? She should be careful. It’s not my fault.”, but didn’t say anything. Not even a sorry.

I came to know that people here are so possessive about their possessions through a funny incident. I had gone to my friend’s house and we were just having an “epilogue” chat near my car as I was leaving. I just leaned onto the adjacent car casually as I was talking. Some time later, a guy came with a huge dog ( I think a boxer ) on a leash and asked me curtly, “Please don’t lean onto that car.”

I thought I heard, “..or else my dog will rip you to shreds”, but I was just imagining that.

My friend told me that he was decent enough. She told me that people usually scream at you. You are not supposed to even touch other cars. People would think you are trying to steal it.

Although this was not exactly a goof up, I’ll write this. This happened in the car park in front of a shopping mall. I was carelessly crossing the road around a corner when a car came from the corner and stopped just a foot away from me. (In Bangalore, you say “more than” a foot for the same situation). I jumped, but we encounter this so much in Bangalore that I casually went ahead.
I saw the person driving the car keeping her hands on her forehead in horror. She got out of the car and nervously approached me. She was a pretty young lady.
“I’m very very sorry about this. I didn’t see you around the corner.”
“Not to worry. I’m alright.”, I said as if it was not a deal at all.
I saw her sweating with jitters. There’s nothing worse than hitting a pedestrian in US.
For another 2 minutes, she repeated “I’m really really sorry”, “Are you okay?” and “Are you sure?”, until she got on my nerves.

BTW, why do girls always say “really really” or, sometimes, “really really really” when they are apologizing?

“I’m alright, alright? I won’t make a fuss of this. Forget this and don’t worry. You are blocking other cars.”, I grinned as I said.

I think the “I’m alright, alright?” will be a classic quote. 😀

And I got back a very pretty smile which many men would die for.
I wish I had been hit, then it would have had that “Back to the Future” (Or Five Point Someone) effect.

Looks like I always have some funny things going on in my life wherever I go. 🙂

Non-mallus, please don’t try to understand this. Because you won’t!!
What is left is to measure “How many kilometers are there from Washington to Miami beach”…
Kilometers and kilometers in these days of degenerating decency where….whatever!!!

22 thoughts on “American Goof ups

  1. 😀 Wen i went back home this time, the slamming doors aspect was soo irritating, i had gotten used to a different reality here!

  2. @Upasna: 😀 That happens.

    @Ajith: Dey Dey mandan konappi. Enne adhikam angu mandan aakkalledey!! 😛

  3. I guess some people have different customs everywhere.. Atleast you had a cousin to teach you..

    BTW, If that guy had let off the dog on you, the post would have been more hilarious.. Not for you ofcourse *evil grin*

    And about the pretty woman.. Well!!! 🙁 wish it happened to me

    Enjoyed reading the post. BTW, buddy, I see you`ve been working on your blog template again.. I see that it doesn`t refresh well, while scrolling.. or maybe because IE.. 🙁

    With Kind Regards,
    Srijith Unni.

  4. @Baba: When did you marry? 😛

    @Srijith: Thanks for the comment. I know there are some problems and am working on them. Is it the jerking movement of the bottom footer bar you are talking about?

    Or is there any other problem? Please let me know.

    I think I have to remove the scriptaculous scripts; they are taking damn too much of loading time.

  5. Just dropped in here. The very post you have written made me laugh (sorry). And the first phrase with that mallu song…adi poli !!!

    Holding a door for the next person is a minimum courtesy you do. The first thing I learnt when I came to Paris.

    Nice post…good writing.

    Bonne continuation!

  6. @Aparna: So you wanna tell me you do that not only when apologizing? *SIGH*

    @prash: I’m glad I made you laugh. Keep visiting. 🙂

  7. hee hee actually I am sorry to say but the post was hilarious!!! hahaha
    and I know that song from some funny movie i watched a really long time ago…even that made me holler just thinking about it again.
    anyway I can keep an eye out for such bloopers in case I have to commit similar stuff in the future 🙂

  8. Hey,
    First time here!! Came through Srijith’s page. Nice funny interesting post, Esply…
    The Bill!! How wonderfull it would be if they give us a heavy (US) BILL for what we eat!! :)) And the Door stuff was also interesting, wonder how i knew that culture by nature!! 😉
    Nice blogging!!

  9. lolzz nice post man 🙂
    I ll keep these things in mind if i happen to land up in US sm day 😉
    Nice blog and thx for droppin by 😀
    Keep bloggin

  10. @Maya: Why should you be sorry? I don’t wanna be a sorry figure…
    How come you have so much knowledge about Kerala/Mallu?

    @Marutham: Thanks for dropping in. And a good way to exploit a language. 😛
    Keep visiting.

    @Marthyan: Thanks dude. Keep visiting.

    @Sirius: I think this is the first post in my blog that has been of any informational value. 😛

  11. This is a very nice blog. I’m a Harry Potter fan myself. I even help run a blog devoted to the subject,

    Sorry about the weird stuff you encountered with Americans. Yes, we can be a bit fussy about some things, but hang in there, most of us are very nice. Welcome to the U.S.! 🙂

  12. Hey Kate,
    Thanks for visiting my blog.
    Don’t say sorry. It’s me who should be saying sorry, if my post offended you in some way. In fact, there was one thing which I forgot when I wrote this: How an American might take it.
    I had to reread my post after you commented to check that. 😛

    And I bet the weird things are only because of cultural differences. Or maybe because I’m a weirdo.
    We will be courteous in one way while you show courtesy in another. What matters is that I thoroughly enjoyed my stay so far. I’m looking forward to having a great time during my visit here.

    BTW, all Americans I’ve met really are very nice people..Well..maybe all except the lady who yelled at me because I supposedly bashed her nose. 😀

  13. I was in no way offended. I actually find it kind of interesting to hear about differences between cultures. Enjoy the rest of your stay in the U.S.! 🙂

  14. @Kate: That’s the spirit!! Cheers!

    @Shyam: Thanks dude.
    Am I talking to SSPS? Or some other Shyam?

  15. A bit late with my comments.. finally getting around to reading a few overdue blogs on a free weekend 🙂

    Thanks for the info though.. some things to keep in mind, if I ever get to go there 😀

    “And I got back a very pretty smile which many men would die for.”
    Awwwww… I guess she was convinced you weren’t gonna sue her for a million bucks. :):):)

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