Category Archives: Just Rambling

The Second Coming

Finally… (It didn’t come out right, let me say it again)

Finally… (One more time)

FINALLY… The First ((The First = Me. But you already know that!)) has come back to Pensieve 2.0!!!

8 months.. 8 long months… That’s how long it has been since The First made his appearance here. This was not a sudden decision to come back; in actuality, I never intended to abandon my blog. But I had been through a lot lately, and my life seemed to go in a downward spiral. Blogging was possibly on the lowest echelons of my priorities for quite some time. What is the point in letting the world know what disappointments you have, right? Anyway,  I have absolutely no idea how I’ve been able to hang on to my self-worth after all I’ve been through. But I have hung on (with the help of some amazing people who have given me the needed moral support – my uncle and aunt, my parents, my brother, and what would I have done without you, my dear V6?), and I am thankful that I am strong enough. Now that my life (or whatever I think life is) seems to have started falling back into place again, I knew it was time to get that old mojo back!

The works for the comeback started a month back. However, my blog was somehow still a low priority, and I kept procrastinating. Fortunately or unfortunately, the push I needed came over the span of last couple of weeks. I have so much to say, but no one is listening to me. My blog is there exactly for that – to hear my rant any time of the day, any day of the week. It is probably wrong of me to expect that from a real person. Second, I always have needed a person (or an inanimate object which will reach out to more people) to talk my heart out to. Don’t worry, I won’t whine. I will hide my insecurities by being funny. (I go with the people’s opinion that I really am a bit funny)

Perhaps, I won’t see my problems when I am mad as a hatter. I will keep myself dumb, and tell people, “IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!”.

(On second thought, it does, so please comment!)

So, from now on, I will be searching for that old self who is crazy as hell. Right here! Let me try being a free bird once again. Just for the heck of it.

More fun to come soon… but if ya smelllll… what The First is cookin’!!!!!

Nationalist Robots and Proud Hypocrites

It is an anomaly that probably doesn’t occur anywhere else in the world. The driest day in Kerala occurs not in summer, but actually during the retreating monsoon. October 2nd to be exact. The day is an especially sad day for Malayalees, because it is a dry day – the one day they can’t buy alcohol anywhere in India.

This October 2nd was, however, different because there were two other anomalies which were unusual.

  • Anomaly #1: Rajnikanth hogged all the attention away from Gandhiji
  • Anomaly #2: The same people who were ashamed that India was hosting CWG suddenly became proud after seeing a grand opening ceremony

Oct 2nd is supposed to be a national holiday, being the birthday of a certain someone called Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, or Mahatma Gandhi. But for the majority of the youngsters, it is one of the once-in-a-blue-moon days when they feel “proud to be Indian” in Facebook/Twitter (The others being the release of movies like “Rang De Basanti” and reading some news articles/stories about Captain Vikram Batra or Major Sandeep Unnikrishnan) This time even that traffic was down because people had time only to talk about a movie called Endhiran (Robot). I’m not complaining here. I’m just observing that if the people who usually “respect” Gandhiji on Oct 2nd didn’t feel so this year, this smells of something fundamentally wrong with their pride/patriotism and such other words they attribute to themselves.

Lets start by analyzing if the nationalist feeling of people is actually real. (I don’t mean to see if they are faking. I mean to see if they realize what nationalism really means) A nationalist is someone who loves and defends his country with unwavering faith. Not someone who criticizes that “CWG brings national shame to India”, and on the very next week comments “Proud to be an Indian” on Oct 2nd. People think that to be patriotic is to be proud about the good things and to criticize the bad things! Or in other words, show the world that you care. I digress on this matter. According to my opinion, one has to be a good citizen first. A good citizen who not only acknowledges the shortcomings in India, but also does something to remove those shortcomings, without expecting an immediate change. A good citizen who follows the grass root level rules – obey traffic rules, respect other people, be courteous, resist vices like giving/taking bribe. Who does that? If you don’t, you don’t deserve to be proud, because there is nothing for you to be proud. Lesson #1 for everyone is be patriotic to your own conscience, and not your Facebook friends.

The movie called “Lage Raho Munnabhai” reintroduced Indians to a concept called Gandhigiri. Lots of people apparently adopted Gandhigiri in real life, and even blogged about it. I don’t see any one talking about Gandhigiri these days. What happened? People just got bored of Gandhigiri, because it is a tough path to take? Ask yourself, what are the good things you are taking for yourself from these? What is the point in being proud of India if you can’t make India proud?

My Failow whatever you want, criticize India, make jokes about corrupt politicians, but don’t make a joke of yourself by saying you are proud because CWG opening ceremony was grand, if you had no part to play in that. You are just being a hypocrite.

I like Facebook because a few people in Facebook are intellectuals and have an opinion on almost anything. But for the last couple of days I hated Facebook because the majority of the people were just robots who really don’t have a strong opinion for themselves. Well, at least Facebook provides a “Hide” feature which lets me remain oblivious to such bullshit.

Update: Patriotism and Nationalism are not exactly the same, as pointed out by Lakshmi. My bad… made necessary changes.

This is not a tag, and I’m not an ignoramus

For those of you who still are fooling around, this blog is still alive. The quiescent melancholy may make it seem otherwise, rendering it almost worthless, perhaps even depressing to those who love my blog (That would be just me, I guess!), but it is breathing nonetheless. And it will stay alive. But the only way I see to get my mojo back, is to hunt down whoever is running the new-age idiot boxes called Facebook and Twitter and kick their ass into oblivion. FB and Twitter have essentially killed the little skill I had in writing and confined me to one-liners and wordplays. To top it all, I tend to go overboard with wordplay that I make the world pay!

The safe (and usual) way when one can’t think about anything to blog, is to dust off some old tag and take it up with some utterly useless facts. A generally futile attempt at a comeback, it at least gives a signal that the blog is not abandoned. For example, “25 things I have done which made me look like an idiot” or “What am I doing right now”. I always wished to say “I’m giving a flying fart” to the latter one. It is fun to see disgusted looks in the faces of people. I get it.. but that’s indeed what I’ll be doing because if I don’t reply to that tag, that means I don’t give a flying fart about the tag.

Anyway, getting back to tagging, I feel it is the most unimaginative form of blogging. I’ve done it several times. That was because I was not being real. To quote a certain buji (Short for “Buddhi Jeevi” or intellectual(duh!) ) from NITC, I was playing around with equations in the realm of complex numbers.

So I am not going to take up a tag here. I won’t, until I start behaving like an imbecile and go against my words. So let me think about what I can write here…







I can think of nothing! It is a well known fact that I’m a literary ignoramus (Some people even say I’m just an ignoramus, literary or not, but that is debatable!). I have forgotten almost all the 3500 tough words in English from Barron’s which I mugged for my GRE. Hmm.. wait. I just figured that I remember “imbecile” and “ignoramus”, as is evident from the last couple of sentences.

So, since I can’t think of anything else, I’ll say something about what is going on in my life. It is boring, and it stinks, because I’m in deep shit right now. I don’t have a job (Heyy! Wait a minute! It is not because I’m an ignoramus. It is because the economy is fucked up!), I don’t have a life.. I don’t know what is happening to me.

What I have are an amazing family, and some amazing friends, that I forget all my woes. Little nuggets which don’t seemingly do anything useful – the incessant rain in Kerala… my mom trying to run when she passes by a nagging neighbor’s house… my dad trying to outsmart my mom during their morning walk… my brother’s silly complaints about his life in Bangalore… his switch from Telugu to Mandarin… my uncle annoying me and my aunt by showing the big sign in “The Hyatt Place” which is black or white depending of the time of the day, every single time we pass by that road… teaching my cousin how to make dal, when I myself don’t know how… gossips about V6… coming up with new nicknames for V6… gossips about me… some people saying they will commit suicide if a deserving guy like me don’t get a job… missing 1729D, Poker, Bamboo Garden, Pan-fried Paneer, Sammy’s Tap and Grill, and inane discussions with V6, the technically challenged girl (TCG) and the Green Dutch.

These little nothings in fact do much more than the somethings. What is life without real people in it, right? People who never fail to bring a smile to your face. Many of my friends too are going through tough phases in their life. Hope is all that is keeping us alive. The hope that good things will happen to good people eventually. That, and being there for each other!

Who am I?

I am always torn between choices whether to seek the light or sink into the darkness. I tend to swim in different directions.
Being well liked for my kind and sympathetic nature, my charm of manner and carefree nature has impressed many. I am compassionate, and unless pushed to the wall, will rarely hurt anyone. I will rarely hurt anyone even when pushed to the wall, because I’m not exactly the kind with big muscles. I apparently am very caustic, but the sarcasm is not always direct, so it generally goes unnoticed. However, it lands me in a spot every once in a while.

I find it difficult to conform and follow rules or to cope with discipline. When the going gets really tough, I don’t get going. Instead I may try to flee down river and hide amongst the vast schools of fish swimming lazily around. However I’m not weak-willed enough to indulge in alcohol and drugs to escape. Alternatively, I pour out my emotions in creative arts. I put my emotions in music, short stories, idiotic writeups, or ridiculous ramblings, but never poetry, because I can’t write poetry if you hang me upside down over a lake full of crocodiles.

I seldom open up to those around me on a personal basis. Although I might be impractical and somewhat uneasy with the real world, I’m brave and prefer a lot of independence. I like to delve in spiritual matters and I’m fascinated by the occult, especially the connections it has with Quantum concepts like entanglement and teleportation. I tend to think that I’m psychic, because my dreams can be strange and portentous. I always remember one thing even if I get amnesia and forget everything else: I am the culmination of all that has gone before, I’m the symbol of death and eternity, I am the distillation of all the other signs. I am the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Yet I’m not Bret “The Hitman” Hart.

I nicked it from Astroyogi and added liberal amounts of masala to it.

Of eagles and men

Why does the eagle like being up in the sky all alone? How does he manage to cope with the loneliness? And how come humans don’t really embrace or even tolerate solitude?

I think the worst kind of loneliness that a person can feel is not having someone to ask you how your day went.
But wait for it.. it is a little more complicated than that. There may be people who will ask just for the sake of asking, and just when I stumble in front of them just by chance… They don’t count, as I really don’t wanna tell them how my day went, because I don’t care if they care.
You just cannot be friends with a person just because that person thinks highly of you.. the respect should be mutual. As Aristotle once said, “We should behave to friends as we would wish friends to behave to us.” Doesn’t always work; lemme tell you that!

The question is… do I deserve to suffer in this purdah, this state of forlorn desolation, because I am biased? I am selective in that there are only a handful of people who I consider my real friends, i.e. with whom I would share thoughts which I wouldn’t otherwise. And despite whatever they say… I keep wondering what they think of me. I mean I’m not sure if I’m expecting something from them which they cannot offer. As far as I can figure out, I demand only one thing from them.. talking to me. And they are not giving me the chance. This is not something I want in the friendship, but it is something I need.

They only thing I need to be considered worthy of.. is being worthy of talking to. I hope the people, whom this is meant for, understand what I’m trying to convey. Because they are not giving me a chance to convey this to them directly.

I hate being an eagle! I just want genuine people around me!

The grass on the other side of the hill

Woah! It’s been quite some time since I even came here in my blog Dashboard.

I’m 27 year old now (that happened about 2 months back, yeah but the nerves to my hands don’t fire that fast these days), and trying (and succeeding to a degree) to convince my mom I don’t need a marriage yet. Now don’t stare stupidly; the figure is right – 27. And the grass on the other side of the hill is still green. I’m still having fun in life, albeit in parts.

I still look the same, still behave the same. You will not know that I’m 27 if I don’t tell you. Some people have even said, “Yeah right! Who are you trying to fool?”, when I tell them how old I am. Then I’d have to flash my Driver’s License to prove my age. Hey, but at least the waitress at Ruckus bar didn’t say to me “What do you want, Sweetie?” with motherly affection, unlike to some others.

Grad life and Facebook have nearly killed my blog, because I seldom find the words or time to express myself these days. I should devote more time to my blog (Yeah! I know!). It will start in mid-May, when I graduate, because I will have no job other than job hunting after that. But for now, bullet points.

  • I still am, among other things, weird, emotional, outspoken and dreamy.
  • I still can joke with a straight face, and people will keep wondering whether that was a serious statement or a joke.
  • In the last two years, I changed from a well-paid money launderer to a broke grad student with absolutely zero bank balance.
  • I started learning the piano with a little bit of help.
  • Useless TV shows which I never miss – 24, The Big Bang Theory, House, WWE and Idea Star Singer
  • KBCT (Kerala born Confused Tamilian) syndrome will kick in next year if there is an IPL team called Cochin Coconuts. Who will I support then? CSK or CC? Oh… I still don’t like Cricket.. But IPL is different.. I already miss the MRF Blimp.
  • Talking about IPL, I got curious about Karbonn Mobile after seeing the utter plug(Utter in NITC lingo=very bad… Of pathetic quality. Short for atrocious) of Karbonn Kamaal Katch. I checked the Store locator, and sure enough, the default location was Kunnamkulam-Kerala.
  • For non-mallus, Kunnamkulam is the infamous place where you get low quality duplicates of any brand in the world.. Examples which I have seen include “NESTEL KATKIT” chocolate and “BISMILLARI” bottled water.
  • Fun Resolution #1: I will sweep the Bohemian off her feet, come Fall 2010. If nothing else works, I have a few banana skins handy for her to step on and slip, but I.Am.Gonna.Make.Her.Fall.For.Me. (The Bohemian Gimmick is getting a bit trite.. for those who know.. so this is probably the last one.)
  • Fun Resolution #2: I am going to start saving money to buy an Audi A8. Then I will hunt Lakshmi down, wherever in the world she is, and show that I now have a car with a V8 engine, much better than a V6 engine. I will even show V8 written in the back of my car, and say “Dandanakka!”
  • Fun Resolution #3: I am really gonna walk around Avent Ferry Rd wearing a white blanket over my head at 1am, just to freak people out. But I hope the 911 will ignore calls about sighting of ghosts.

That’s all I can think from the back of my mind right now.. I don’t wanna write anything serious in this post. They are reserved for a string of future ones starting in about a fortnight.

I hope I get my funny charm back by then.

Like it… and not

I like…

  1. cracking really good (or bad?) PJs (poor jokes a.k.a. pun)
  2. people who really make some impact in the world whether in a large scale, or in grassroot level
  3. talking to people
  4. listening to people who talk and are ready to listen back
  5. the fact that I never hold grudges
  6. when I always give people a second chance to be good
  7. people who are open to the possibility that their religious principles may be imperfect and needs constant tuning
  8. smell of fresh rain
  9. free hugs (or “Jadoo Ki Chappi”)
  10. to wear seatbelts
  11. to drive fast and safe
  12. cryptic crosswords
  13. Jennifer Aniston
  14. anything made of potatoes
  15. spirituality
  16. knowing more about cultures around the world
  17. movies
  18. the sheer beauty of life

I hate…

  1. when someone asks, “So why don’t you tell me a PJ?” PJs have to come spontaneously
  2. candlelight protests which don’t seem to convey anything useful to anyone
  3. introverts who don’t open up even after I try hard to include them in a conversation
  4. people who boast
  5. when I have sudden bursts of anger
  6. when people don’t give me a second chance to show that the angry me is not the real me
  7. people who are narrow-minded with respect to religion
  8. smell of Chinese soy sauce
  9. any kind of formality at my home
  10. when people break traffic rules
  11. sitting on the other front seat when someone else is driving
  12. riddles
  13. Aiswarya Rai
  14. anything with Coriander/Cilantro added in it
  15. materialism
  16. when people have a very cliched view of my culture
  17. killing sentient animals for food, sport and vanity
  18. Cricket
  19. people who don’t know how to value life

This list will keep growing.

V Day or I Day?

Feb 14th.

No chocolate for guessing what is so significant about this date.

But I bet you would have guessed it wrong about the significance of today w.r.t. me (with respect to. Anyone remember calculus?)

Instead of getting a date, I got a phone call… from my parents. And they wished me Happy Birthday! A birthday that even I came to know of, only after the call. Before you get all confused, today is my birthday according to Indian Calendar. And because I don’t have an Indian Calendar here in US, I didn’t know earlier. Oh, I just love being Indian. You can have two birthdays per year!

Anyway, it came as a pleasant surprise, because I had absolutely no plans for today. Now I can celebrate, and not look like an ass slacking on Valentine’s day.

Also, I called my brother, and I talked to him like I talk to my mom – for 45 minutes. The only difference was that we talked about some subjects, which I never dare talk to my mom. It spanned topics like my theory about his craze for Telugu movies (His secret Telugu Girlfriend! Not so secret any more!), about our parents’ trip to Mettupalayam today, how to survive in the cutthroat world of office, my plans for Valentine’s day, his plans, and of course, Ram Sene.

  1. My brother didn’t know that my parents were going to Mettupalayam today. When he asked me why, I said in my usual fashion, that they were going to Black Thunder themepark to rediscover their childhood. He replied back with an impromptu punchline, “Paada Parambil keri Golf kalikkalle Mone Dineshaa” (Don’t play Golf in barren land. To understand what he meant, read this post, section 6.1)
  2. I told him how to proactively cut the throat of those who are planning to cut your throat. You can even mention that during your appraisal, as an example of how proactive you are.
  3. My plans for V-Day – Eat, study, sleep.
  4. His plans for V-Day – Eat, work, sleep when the manager is not around.
  5. My brother told me about Ram Sene’s threat that they will forcibly marry off any couple they see on roads. He was talking about how the mob was a bunch of sexually frustrated losers who wanted an excuse to grope girls. I couldn’t help but crack this joke that there may be gays in Ram Sene, so boys are not safe either. (I am sorry if this is insensitive, but this is how I will show my protest, because I can’t do anything about it from US)

So, because today is my birthday, I’m gonna celebrate it by ordering a pizza and the delicious Chocolate Breadsticks from Pizza Hut.

PS: I generally don’t talk about my Indian birthday outside, because it is strictly for family. But today was too much of a coincidence!

PPS: On an entirely different note, an important event occured yesterday, which will never occur again. At 6:31pm, the UNIX timestamp struck the value of 1234567890. But the trouble-seeker that I am, I accidentally slept across the iconic moment, and incurred the wrath of all UNIX enthusiasts.

An Air of Niceness

I was wondering how niceness is so similar to air.

21% of the people are not nice.
Similarly, 21% of air is Oxygen, which is not very pleasant to breathe in it’s pure form.
78% of the people fake niceness.
78% of air is Nitrogen. Nitrous Oxide, which contains Nitrogen, makes you look like you are laughing, but you are not actually laughing.
0.3% of the people are real vermin trying to poison your mind.
Just like the 0.3% of Carbon Dioxide in air, which is actually poisonous if taken in high quantity.
The rest are the truly nice people.
Like the trace gases. They are not very easy to find.

We need all these kinds of people in the right proportion to survive.

The Pensieve Redux

Lads and Lassies,
Presenting the new face of “The Pensieve”. A new face calls for a new name too. I call it “The Surreal Me”, because I think of myself as a unrealistic dreamer.
As they teach you in mathematics, i is not real. This holds true for the I that I am.

I have migrated to a personal domain, and was simply lying that my blog was dead. In some way, that was true also. “The Pensieve” is dead. And “The Surreal Me” has risen from its ashes. At least three people fell for it. Rinchen even went so far as to send me a Facebook message demanding an explanation. 😀
I started the buildup from the comments two posts ago ((My new year resolution was to celebrate April Fool Day 4 months earlier :P)). I must apologize to Ajith for having used him as a bait for this. Apparently, an offhand comment will not stop me from writing. (I say “apparently” because I myself am not sure. That conclusion is purely empirical.)

Anyway, I did give some clues:

  1. I said I may change my decision next year.
  2. I took the Blue Pill. Those who have watched “The Matrix” several times can say that by taking the blue pill, you remain in wonderland.

A few words about the transition. I have redirected my earlier blogspot address to here, so that won’t be a problem for the time being. The links won’t be broken. But I would appreciate if you can update your blogroll with the new address. The URL is and the Name is The Surreal Me. You don’t have to worry about the feed. I still use the feedburner address for this. But it is better to cross-check. The feed address is

Once again, thanks for being amazing readers. And please do comment on my future posts.
Finally, thanks to my good friend and classmate since 8th standard, KP, for suggesting the wacky punchline.