Aldous Who?

Technological progress has merely provided with more efficient means for going backwards.

– Aldous Huxley

Well! I don’t really know who this Aldous Huxley is. Being the literal person that I am, let me try to guess “literally” from the words of wisdom he has spoken above.

1. Aldous Huxley is a professor of an engineering school

I had this doubt from an incident which involved my going backwards (literally) due to some technology.

My regular seat in class was in the front row near the main door. Before you think otherwise, I was not a nerd. The front bench on the side row had many advantages. The lecturer would watch out for potential law-breakers only on the back benches. You are literally free to do anything noiseless in front seats. For instance, sleeping (you shouldn’t snore though!!), playing Hangman. Besides, I had a good view of outside. Another advantage was the chance of sneaking out of the class when the lecturer turns toward the board.

All was well until one fine day, my physics professor announced that he would be making use of the OHP (Over-head Projector) from that day. On the day it was brought, I was in a mood to listen to the class. But alas! my bench was too much to the side that I was not able to see the projection because of the reflection from the window. (Technically, Total Internal Reflection!!)
As a result of that, I had to shift my place. As there was no other seat upfront, I had to go to the back seat.

I believe that a similar incident might have occured in Huxley’s class and he might have uttered the great words on that occassion.
Wasn’t it a technologically advanced way of going backwards?

This theory is enforced by the fact that ALDOUS may be an abbreviation of A Laughable Dimwit Of an Undergraduate School

2. Aldous is a professional swimmer of the Australian Team

The year was 2000. The Olympics was around the corner. Then the Australians came up with a special suit which would cover your entire body from neck to ankle. It would provide better streamlining, they said. Their swimmers would be able to swim faster with that costume, they said.
Well, this guy Aldous was a backstroke swimmer. The day he swam for the first time with the costume, he broke his personal record. After climbing back, he might have uttered those words of wisdom.
Obviously, it was a technologically efficient way of going backwards (or swimming backwards)
I have an abbreviation for this theory too…
Australian Lad Dedicated for Outrageously Uber-Swimmer

3. Aldous is a brilliant but eccentric scientist

This theory suggests that Aldous invented a device which I call the third eye. He probably got the idea from The Matrix, because the third eye was a CCD lens coupled into your brain, which would directly communicate with your brain. So it would serve the purpose of an eye, hence the name.

He successfully did the surgical procedure in his own head because no one was ready to be a guinea pig. (How would any one, knowing that it was Aldous the eccentric at the other end??)
How it was done is a mystery.

Aldous was probably eccentric because he did some silly mistakes (which he didn’t consider mistakes, BTW) in the procedure. The first mistake was that he implanted the third eye on the back of his head a la The Matrix. The second one was that the third eye would become functional only if both his real eyes are closed, because he believed that the third eye is a substitute for the real eyes and should always work when the real eyes don’t work. (He probably didn’t know the difference between “always” and “only”)

Now the problem started occuring because Aldous had the habit of sleepwalking. So, after the procedure and he went for sleep, he started sleepwalking. But since his eyes were closed, his third eye became functional. And since it was in the back of his head, he started walking backwards, thinking that he was walking forward.

This is how technology provided him with a means of going backward.

Oh! I have an acronym ready for this too. This was said by his Linux-geek neighbor, who made a recursive acronym as usual, when he saw Aldous walking backwards outside his house and was nearing a puddle of water.
Aldous Look Down Otherwise U‘ll Slip

Note: Aldous Huxley is a famous writer and is consider a leader of modern thought. I know very well who Huxley is, and the above post is solely for entertainment. The quote was a real quote made by Huxley, but what followed was made up by yours truly.

4 thoughts on “Aldous Who?

  1. Wow!.. Now this is what I call an imagination on a missile.. Splendidly done.! I dont know Aldous Huxley, but he sure did have a lot of meaning in it, I guess, but your interpretation was simply hilarious. I liked all three ideas. The third one was sidesplitting..

    With Best Regards,

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